Why is it so hard to find a job that you enjoy?

Why is this? Why didn’t a council get together and mutually decide that if one must spend their life doing something, it should be at least slightly enjoyable. Maybe they did, but then they forgot about retail.

Ah…retail. Retail is the faeces on the pavement under the first rung of the career ladder. Unless you have worked in retail, you would never understand just how difficult it is to be a sales assistant. To give the impression that each and every customer is not a complete and utter tosser. That every sentence they utter is both intelligent and insightful. When someone enters my shop and I sweetly and politely say “Hi there”, it just makes my day when they sneer at me. Or when they come into the shop while you are closing the doors and proceed to take 20 minutes to decide on a purchase.

“So you wish to return your shoes because you changed your mind? That’s no problem at all. Have they been worn?”
“I can see that there is gum on one of the soles and shit on the other”
“That wasn’t me”
“Right, well do you see shit or gum on our pristine marble floor”
“So how do you imagine that either of those two products got onto the very scuffed soles of your shoes? I don’t believe I will be able to refund you, I’m afraid. It is company policy that we cannot refund worn items.”
“I didn’t wear them. I want my money back. Call your manager.”
“It would be my pleasure, just like being in your presence is making my positively orgasmic with happiness. Before I call her, I just want to take a minute to thank you for just how wonderful you are and to encourage you to never change. I can truly die happy now, knowing that I have met such a genuinely loving person.”

I should win an Oscar for how well I am able to emulate the emotion of joy and happiness with each customer. How I am able to act like every attempt at humour is pure genius.


When all I’m really thinking and feeling all day long, is:





It is for this reason, that I have decided to do postgraduate study. If I have to continue working in retail, I just don’t know what might happen. It could be anything. Possibly this:


Possibly this:


Most likely this:



And so I think I shall study to become an Archivist. Then I can work with files, books and films instead of customers. I will never be able to say:


But at least I will be achieving something worthwhile and meaningful with my life. Keeping records of the past and maintaining the integrity of our history. It’s got to be better than “would you like to pay for that with cash or card?”

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