With all these shiny gadgets coming out of every orifice, it has become ‘the thing’ to overestimate ones abilities. Instagram is a lovely little tool that seems to have instilled in all a unified delusion of competency. I’ll admit, I look at some of the pictures I have played around with on my Instagram profile and think, yeah, I’m effing amazing at photography. Who wouldn’t? Have you seen some of my stuff? No? Your loss.
Instagram has made people all think that they should be professionals. Just because you can take a photo of balloons doesn’t mean it’s a good photo of balloons. I mean, I can take a God damn fantastic photo of balloons too. Shove your balloons up your ass. I love the word balloons. Balloons.
However, and this is a big HOWEVER, my pictures really don’t look as good as I think they do. In my mind they look like this:
When really they resemble this:
And even though I know they look beyond rubbish, I still feel like this:
Plus, now that I’ve upgraded my phone, I’ve been downloading new apps right, left and centre so that I too can be one of those twats who no longer socializes with actual people.
Who needs people when you have a mobile phone? What does a person offer that an iPhone can’t do better? Hug? I beg to differ.
See? The Queen agrees.
People just start fights and use chemical warfare to kill innocent people. Technology gives us hovering bicycles. Which one do you think is the better option?
Unfortunately, people are always wanting to talk smack about what happens if we continue on our CGI yellow brick road into the future. Yes, technology can’t do everything but really, who needs toilet paper anyway:
I mean shit, we can make robot fish now too. And I’m a pescetarian (that means I don’t eat meat, just fish) so now I will never run out of food. Metal tastes as good as fish right? I’m sure it’s got as many nutrients too.
I bet right now a whole bunch of you (out of the small handful of people who stumble across this blog) are thinking that gee whiz, I must be one of those animal lovers who hugs trees and smells really bad because they’re too busy getting high that they forget to wash. I’m not. I do love animals but not in a creepy bestiality way. And I do wash. Sometimes.
But for those of you who are way too mainstream to eat fish, you too can dream of a future where your food source has become shiny and less cute. Look, a robot cow.
Have fun milking that freakish monstrosity! No, that’s not very nice. I’m sure they’ll make them look super realistic that you’ll never know the difference. You’ll just find that the bacon just tastes that little bit metallic. And all your teeth have fallen out.
And if you’re way too hipster to eat cows, then there’s something special for you too. Robot cheetah. Yup.
See? There’s so much to look forward to in the future! Less people and more metal. My mind has been blown by all the possibilities.