Why is it so hard for me to be healthy?

Why is this?

Why does looking at healthy meals make me feel like this?tumblr_mq6y60virI1so026bo1_500

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do-not-want

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Yet if there is the potential for sugary goodness, I feel like this:

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Want to know what I ate today? Well, after a fibre-full bowl of Weetbix, I snacked on blue candy floss, a marshmallow log, Doritos chips and salted caramel doughnuts. I then spent an hour concocting an inspired dish to satisfy all my daily veg requirements. I then ended up throwing that dish away because I ate so much junk food that I was not hungry. Plus it tasted like shit. I’m really not a very good cook. Of course, now that my dinner is in the trash, all I can think is:

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Surely I’m not alone. Right? I’m not even that bad! I eat fruit every once in a while and sometimes if I’m feeling particularly saucy, I will eat a salad. Then I will brag about how I ate that salad for at least a week. Maybe two if it was a really really big salad.

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I’m not overweight and I don’t have several chins or a stomach that you could draw a face on and then make it talk. That’s not the problem. The problem is that I have ‘health anxiety disorder’. That’s a thing. I was told that by a doctor. Seriously. If I get a rash on my arm, I think I am dying. If my chest hurts, I think I’m dying. Every time I get sunburnt I self diagnose myself with Skin Cancer. It’s worse when I’m stressed. Days will go by where I have at least 1 panic attack a day. It’s not fun.

So while many people are able to eat crap in total ignorance and bliss, I eat crap and then believe that I can actually feel the aforementioned candy floss and marshmallow log building up in my arteries until it blocks my heart like a boss and I drop dead.

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Right now I have a little health issue which might result in surgery so all I want to do is eat chocolate and cry.

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It’s so disappointing because only 2 weeks ago I had a whole load of healthy shit in my fridge like spring onions and cauliflower. I even signed up to do a Family Fun Run (3.5ks – let’s be realistic, I’m enthusiastic but not capable) and bought a new sports bra and stretchy sporty looking leggings.

Now I just eat cereal and pasta. I would eat chocolate but I haven’t done a shop in weeks and I have nothing but a moldy cucumber and some olives in my fridge.  Yup, I’m one of those people. Never come visit me because all I can offer you is water. And a jar of artichoke hearts. Gourmet.

And the more people ask me how I’m doing, the more I feel like this:

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And the more I want to eat this:

pizza-good

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Ah well, let’s hope I get better soon so I can go back to being a misguided and incredibly unfit but enthusiastic exerciser and healthy eater.

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One thought on “Why is it so hard for me to be healthy?

  1. Pingback: 18 Times It’s Perfectly Okay to Cry in Public

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