You know how this works, don’t you? Christmas is supposed to be a time of love, joy, giving and contentment.
Christmas for me = a shitty time.
Know why? I’ll bet you do if you’ve read any of my earlier posts. So maybe one or two of you…
It’s because I work in retail.
Yup. Let that sink in. Marinade. Like a chicken.
For all of you out there who have never worked in retail over Christmas, you’ve lived a simple and sheltered life. The world is a cruel place and it’s filled with assholes. In general, I refer to no race or gender, however, since I am currently working in a female specific brand, I am speaking this year of the female sex.
Women are dicks. Figuratively, of course.
Now I understand why men have so many issues understanding us chicks. We are the most high maintenance motherfuckers and for that, I am so sorry. I apologize on behalf of all the women out there in the world, living their female lives and being total and utter assholes. Big, giant assholes. Sorry everybody.
Anyone in ‘Merica who has worked a Black Friday can understand.
Once one woman enters your store, every other women within 100 miles subconsciously think “OOOoooooh that shop has a woman in it, let’s be sheep and follow her because I want whatever she’s having”.
And they all seem to think that we should be treated like servants or like we don’t exist at all. Which means that they ignore every single word you say until they want assistance, in which case they’ll talk around you or get their friend to ask for them. Heaven forbid they be tainted by your mere presence, lord knows they’d never want to be infected with whatever disease sales assistants clearly have.
Maybe it’s stupidity because only uneducated poor people work in shops.
But it’s OK. I’ll put on my best smile and pretend like I am so honored by your being in my store. When really, I’m pretty much feeling like this every second of every minute that the store is open:
The phone customers are also a pleasure, when they tell you how bad the service was when they ordered something from your website. Like you personally were the sole reason for their displeasure. And you have to take it, because the customer is ALWAYS right. Even when they’re an asshole.
And of course, women are so utterly fascinating.
And fake tan always looks sooooooo good. On everybody.
Oh my God, I just love your dress. Where did you get it? I just had to tell you how pretty you are right now as you walk around my shop. And I’m totally being so honest. I’m not saying this to someone else once you leave, I really mean it!
So I smile to their faces and scowl out in the backroom. Because really…
And of course Christmas means extended trading hours. Which means that there are more hours a day to enjoy people treating you like shit.
Thank the lordy I love my colleagues, otherwise my job would be about as pleasant as a daily root canal!
Because nothing helps a shitty day of working retail than to bitch to your colleagues about the horrible and crazy ass customers.
I even had one girl the other day who informed me that she had bought tickets to see EVERY FUCKING SINGLE ONE of Justin Bieber’s concerts in Australia. Not just that but she was flying around Australia to STALK him while he is touring the country.
I mean, I guess I knew chicks did that, but I assumed it was only for people like Bruce Springsteen or fucking Queen or some shit.
I mean, really? Justin Beiber/Bieber?
You know what? I’m just going to end this post here because I think you all need to take some time to process the fact that people like Justin Beiber/Bieber. So I’ll let you consider this fact, and I entreat you to commit NO violence towards those poor souls who will one day live to regret their current taste in music.