This is just a note to let everyone in the world know that I just watched Con Air again and I have decided to remember (and tell everyone who reads this blog) just why I love this film.
No this is not the first time I have ever seen the film and yes, I do have good taste in movies.
Stop judging me. I can feel you judging me.
Stop it right now!
Shall I list some things that prove Con Air is the best film ever?
1. It has Nicolas Cage being SUPER FUCKING AWESOME
STOP JUDGING ME RIGHT NOW!!!
If you don’t like Nicolas Cage, well, a) you need to get your shit together and b) you may as well stop reading this because he is my God…or would be if I believed in God…
Such Godlike windblown hair.
I mean, come on, no one kicks ass quite like Nicolas Cage. Or does facial expressions like Nicolas Cage. Or breathes like Nicolas Cage. Or walks like Nicolas Cage…
LOOK AT HIM KICKING ASS. Bunny style.
Why??? Why Mr Bad Criminal Man, couldn’t you leave the bunny alone?!
2. It has John Malkovich in it…with Nicolas Cage.
John Malkovich is also my God. In my religion, we have several Gods.
3. It has John Cusack in it…with John Malkovich and Nicolas Cage
My third God
4. It has slow motion walking and running sequences, almost all involving explosions
5. Steve Buscemi being a seriously creepy murderer who makes more sense than most people I converse with.
6. A nice happy ending where good triumphs over bad, and family values are fucking high fived with a giant foam finger. All with LeAnn Rimes’ How Do I Live being fabulously to encourage tears and/or joy.
7. Teamwork between a cop type character and a criminal
8. That chick from Friends that Ross has sex with when he’s on a break with Rachel
10. John Malkovich threatening a bunny
That’s it people. If you need more convincing than that, you should probably see somebody professional about it because you must have some quite deep seated issues you need to work on.