Ugh, it’s so easy to have opinions but it’s so much effort to write them down in blog format and put little moving pictures (gifs) next to them as appropriate.
It’s not easy being as lazy as I am. It’s a fine art that takes serious dedication and skill. You have to be able to feel OK about yourself emotionally when you stay in bed all day long for several days in a row, only moving to do the necessary things (aka bathroom breaks and trips to the fridge). Showers become optional (depending on how much you smell and whether you are able to moisturize your hands using only the grease in your hair).
Seriously. I can do that.
And stop judging me!
I apologise for the inattention to all you lovely readers.
I have no excuse. I have just been to goddamn lazy to write words and find the perfect gifs to accompany each statement.
You know what they say:
If that’s the case, I should be paid to do nothing. Is that a thing? IT GODDAMN SHOULD BE! I’ll be a critic. I can write articles about the latest episode of some television show or movie. Anything that I can watch in bed in the same sweatpants I’ve worn for a week straight.
And now everyone is talking about the Tennis and my TV is in the living room which is, like, a whole ten steps away from my comfy bed. So I haven’t watched any of it and I have no idea what the fuck everyone is talking about.
It all sounds like this to me:
This is yet another reason why I’d make a terrible mother. Because being a mother means no sleep and keeping active with your child while they’re licking cat poop of the pavement. That shit is way too much effort thanks. And no, I won’t feel differently if that baby came out of my special lady hole LIKE A GRAPEFRUIT BEING PUSHED THROUGH THE HEAD OF A NEEDLE. No thanks. I’m good.
And even writing how much effort that would be is making me sleepy. I have plenty of things to say and I promise that I will write them down for you to all appreciate (or not, if that’s how you want to play this). But I’ll do that later. Like, in the future and not at 9pm on Saturday night when I’ve worked all day and want to rest my poor, tired body.