My Life: The Mindf***

It has been a busy week for me. Apologies for not posting more lately but I’ve had a lot going on.

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I won’t bother you with the finer details because, let’s be honest, you don’t really need to know them and you probably don’t want to know them anyway.

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Let’s just hope that I’ve finally got my shit together and now I can get back to the routine of writing frequent blog posts for you lovely people.

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So my housemate and I have a broken fridge, one of the many things that’s not working in my life (like how I did that?) so we’ve ordered a new one and that’s yet more money that will have to come out of my already empty bank account.

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We are also going to bug bomb our kitchen so we need to remove EVERYTHING from inside the drawers. A perfect opportunity to see how much cockroach shit is all over our little used items. Can’t wait.

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I am in the midst of making a ballgown as well, which is super fun.

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This kid knows more about making clothes than I do:

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I’ve started writing another blog about the reason why I need this dress so fear not, people of the world, everything will become clear.

Anyway, the last time I made a dress was 8 years ago. There was so much dust on my sewing machine and even some dead insects. Nice. And now I have a week to finish making a regency gown before I have to wear it at a ball and I don’t understand the first thing about making a dress. Picture this:

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And now imagine a beginner with no experience trying to make the above. Are you seeing what I’m seeing?

 

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No, unfortunately not. I’m nowhere near that good. Even this is better than anything I can do:

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Which means I’ll probably have to attend the ball like this:

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If any single, straight men had intended to attend the Jane Austen Festival of Australia, well then, gee whiz, they might be in for a show. But since there’s no such thing as a straight, single guy who openly appreciates regency era romance, I think the excitement at my prospective nudity will be minimal.

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And if you are a straight, single guy who likes Jane Austen and is happy to talk about it in a public setting whilst drinking non-alcoholic beverages, apologies for my narrow-minded statement above and “I mentally shake hands with you” as Mr Rochester once said to Jane Eyre. Yup, you witnessed that. An offhand quote from Jane Eyre. I knew that. In my head. That’s some hardcore literary shit right there!

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I’m gonna let you guys process this while I sleep and then I will explain the ball and costume situation on the morrow. I bet you’re all champing at the bit for that post!

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