Ooopsie, Forgot How Blogs Work…Sorry

Yet again, I haven’t posted in a looooooong time. Sorry about that, people.

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tumblr_n1eymx0eCS1rqfhi2o1_250I should really just stop apologising and saying I’ll do better. Let’s be honest. I probably won’t. It seems every post I’m making spends entirely too much time apologising and not enough time actually talking about interesting shit you all want to read about.

tumblr_mydx6zvda11s012f2o1_500 I had much less of a life before and it’s so hard to find the time to write anymore. I’ll try to keep you updated though, because I know you love my sarcastic interpretation of life events.

tumblr_m1ofx6ihQt1rqfhi2o1_500Don’t pretend you don’t

STOP LYING TO YOURSELF

tumblr_n7pla1smcZ1t6sf0yo1_500So guess what I did?

tumblr_mvpacheBKs1t08vgjo1_500Ok, you’ll never guess. I got Tinder.

Yup.

tumblr_ndrivpI4MW1r6h9h1o1_500I then deleted Tinder when I read about a woman who met a date in a public place and was promptly gang raped. It was something that could have happened to anybody but somehow, I just knew in my soul that it was Tinder’s fault that she was in that situation. Yeah I know that’s stupid. I panicked.

Ballon-popBut before I deleted it, I managed to make a date, or two.

tumblr_lx5fwjATo61qmijb2o1_500Despite the fact that I did in fact use the app for its intended (not ‘intended’ *wink wink*) purpose, I still feel like I am THE MASTER OF THE DATING UNIVERSE.

nailed-itDating still sucks but I feel like I am improving, even if I still need to take anti-anxiety drugs before going on one. Only the first date though, I’m not an addict. I can actually survive in social situations without the aid of medication.

maybe-maybe-notI did thoroughly enjoy the male selfies though. They were just terrible. If any man thinks that the below picture will get him laid, well then, gender stereotypes about stupid men are not always wrong.

enhanced-buzz-7469-1378756933-8Come on guys, I know you can do better. At least pretend like you’re interested in more than what’s between our legs. Then we can continue to lie to ourselves about what we’re worth.

Fc9elLuI am, however, disappointed that I didn’t receive any messages like the following:

tumblr_nesq6syLN51qjd54mo1_500What a shame.

disappointment

I-see

I didn’t get my moment of glory to take on the roll of disgusted female fighting back against the misogynistic dick who had the audacity to use a terrible pick-up line on her. Nope. The only people who talked to me were normal, mostly polite men. Sadly disappointing. And I wanted so much to have a funny story for you guys.

You let me down, Tinder guys.

temper-tantrum

Work on that.

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Apart from that, I’ve been pretty busy. You know, living my life and shit.

Cause that’s just how I roll.

tumblr_mmq4o8ngYq1rgpyeqo1_400Despite being doped up on several different kinds of antibiotics (second case of Tonsilitis in a week…yay) I’m heading over to a bar soon to play ‘Cards against Humanity’ and catch up on the latest gossip.

Has anyone ever played ‘Cards Against Humanity’ before?

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If you have then you know exactly how awesome this game is.

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Its tagline is ‘a party game for horrible people’.

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Terrible people unite! We finally have a chance to be as inappropriate as we have always dreamed!

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yippie

It encourages players to be suuuuuuuuper politically incorrect in all the wrong (but it feels so right) ways.

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PS – everybody loves a good homoerotic volleyball montage

giphy

It’s about the only thing Top Gun is good for

Anyway, better get going, unicorns. Gotta love ya and leave ya.

tumblr_mlac68usrZ1qgcra2o1_500Don’t know why I chose that gif but I think my subconscious is telling me I’m really fucking hungry right now…

Also, sorry. This post just isn’t that funny (in my humble but probably right opinion). Let’s just say it’s because I’m out of practice, what with all that living I’ve been doing lately. Or I’m losing my once great humor. Or that.

tumblr_lyhxm45B371ro07b4o4_r1_500OHMYGOD Benedict Cumberbatch, how dare you propose to someone who isn’t me? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I guess I’ll just find a sad place to spend my life now. In defeat.

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In the mean time, farewell for now, sexy friends!

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